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Projections and Expansions Writing in English (WE)
for Double Majors
(Performance Drawings done in South Korea, Wolfgang in der Wiesche 2015)
15th Week: The Endless Journey’s End a) A Text of Texts
b) Expanding Outlines for Conclusions c) Outlining a Longer Paper
i. Text-Comment: Research then Hypothesis ii. IMRAD: Hypothesis plus Research
ii. Problem-Solution: The Research and Hypothesis Cycle
d) One Last Time: The Five Word Rule e) References
15th Week: Your Final Tridterm—not a butterfly, but a dragon!
1. A Text of Texts
This set of “performance drawings” were created during the international NEWSART performance, with Mongolian, Korean, German and other artists—but above all with Asian audiences, who contributed lines that Wolfgang elaborated.
Notice that the drawing is made up of drawings. In this final class, I want to suggest that the basic structures we have put together in this class can fit together in the same way.
We began with a simple sandwich: English/Non-English/English. We elaborated this into a “sandwich of sandwiches”, the butterfly of the midterm. Finally, we are ending with a kind of dragon—a butterfly with an enhanced four-paragraph “tail” as conclusion.
The very longest of these structures is only about ten pages or two thousand words long. That is, of course, roughly the length of a term paper. Maybe it’s a bit more formally symmetrical, and a maybe a bit more accurate than the average term paper—I hope so. But it’s really just a term paper for a class—this class.
Now, how do we get from a short term paper like this to the thesis you will write as a senior, to the papers you will write as a graduate student, to a Ph.D. thesis or a book? That is the problem I would like to tackle in this final class.
The answer may turn out to be a lot simpler than you think. A complex structure like a book or a Ph.D.
thesis is really made up of simpler structures. Not the way that a tree is made of branches, or a house is made of bricks, but more the way that a house is made up of floors, roofs, and rooms—units that are more or less shaped by the environment and units that are more or less shaped by human needs. So a complex structure like a book or a Ph.D. thesis will have some parts like the Introduction and the Conclusion that are like floors and roofs, and other parts like the Chapters that are more like rooms.
To come back to Wolfgang’s drawing, a complex text is a text made up of texts, like a drawing is made up of different drawings. Texts are made up of different types of sub-texts—chapters, sections, sub-sections, sub-sub-sections...and eventually paragraphs.
2 2. Expanding Outlines for Conclusions
Look at Rafael’s painting “The School of Athens”. It’s made up of lots and lots of smaller paintings, as you can see: paintings of rooms, paintings of halls, paintings of floors, and above all paintings of groups of people.
At the very centre of the painting we can see two people. One is Aristotle, and the other is his teacher Plato. One is holding a copy of the “Ethics”. The other is holding the “Timaeus”, which was a kind of sequel to the “Republic”. One is pointing upward, to the ideal vault of the heavens. The other is pointing outwards, to the world of men and of everyday experience. (Who is who?)
This tension, between the ideal and the everyday, between the world of the heavens and the society of men (no women!), between abstract knowledge and practical experience, is what two of our classmates are writing about.
Here’s Hojin:
In the following essay, I will present Plato's thoughts about human greatness. First, I will show how he gives his opinion about 'human greatness' and 'human badness' using a fictional dialogue between Socrates and Adeimantus. Secondly, I will extend the point to the evaluations from others such as reward and punishment effect (?) in human greatness. In conclusion, Plato thought (??) that human greatness is essentially associated with life habits rather than (???) the reward and punishment.
(?) This is a very well written paragraph. She has “human greatness” without “a” and “fictional dialogue”
with “a”, because she understands perfectly that “human greatness” is ideal and therefore without number, while “dialogues” are many and varied and part of the world of men and women, so “a dialogue”
is just “one dialogue”.
(But what about “effect”? And “reward and punishment”?)
(??) Hojin’s mastery of the tense system reflects this philosophical difference too. Just as “~ness” (and also “~tion” and ~ity”) show us Plato’s world of ideality without countability but “a” and “the” show us Aristotle’s world of the everyday lives of ordinary men and women, Hojin uses the simple, eternal, present in “human greatness is essentially associated with life habits” to show us Plato’s world of pure eternal truths, and she uses “will present” and “will show” and “will extend” and even “Plato thought” show us the world of the everyday lives of ordinary men and women.
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(What happens if she changes “Plato thought” to “Plato thinks”? Is it right or wrong? Is it eternal or everyday?)
(???) Finally, consider Hojin’s use of prepositions—those little particles that stand between nouns or between verbs and nouns. Sometimes they tell us about abstract, ideal, eternal relations (“about”) and sometimes they seem to refer to concrete, actual, real time and space (“between”), and sometimes both (“associated with”).
(What happens if we change “Plato’s thoughts about” and “his opinion about” to “Plato’s thoughts on”
and “his opinion on”? What happens if we change “with life habits rather than rewards and punishments”
to “with life habits rather than with rewards and punishments?”)
By unconsciously mastering the underlying PHILOSOPHICAL principles of grammar, Hojin has more or less eliminated the “trifles” of “STUD”, “TENSE”, and “PREPOSITION” that make writing hard to read and hard to rewrite. By making her understanding of the PHILOSOPHICAL principles of grammar conscious and explicit, Hojin can not only more completely eliminate trifling mistakes, she can explain WHY what she did was right and WHY doing it another way is wrong. And if she can explain that, she can do something that no native speaker (including myself) is really good at—she can teach OTHER non- natives why things have to be written one way and not another.
But the most important thing for Hojin right now is just to finish her paper. Now, it turns out that getting the trifles out of the way is a very important step in doing just that. Let’s look at that last clause-complex.
In conclusion, Plato thinks that human greatness is essentially associated with life habits rather than with rewards and punishments.
Of course, this really looks like PLATO’S conclusion, not Hojin’s. But we can fix that pretty easily:
In conclusion, I will demonstrate that Plato thinks that human greatness is essentially associated with life habits rather than with rewards and punishments.
And now a larger problem becomes clear: REDUNDANCY.
Secondly, I will extend the point to evaluations from others such as the reward and punishment effect in human greatness. In conclusion, I will demonstrate that Plato thought that human greatness is essentially associated with life habits rather than with rewards and punishments.
The conclusion seems—well, redundant. It seems like it might be nothing more than a reiteration of the second point. Perhaps Plato would like that—reiteration makes things seem more like eternal truths. But Aristotle would not approve. We need a conclusion that will take us outward towards the world of experience. Remember that the truth that really lasted was not Plato’s—it was Aristotle’s. Modern science—and modern universities, as opposed to the Academy of Athens—depend on CRITICAL thinking.
How to continue? Well, consider the following butterfly:
1. INTRO: WHAT I'LL DO
2. FIRST TEXT 2.1 INTRO 2.2 FIRST TEXT 2.3 ELABORATION
4 3. TRANSITION: REWARDS AND PUNISHMENTS
4. SECOND TEXT 4.1 INTRO
4.2 SECOND TEXT 4.3 ELABORATION
5. CONCLUSION: WHAT I’VE DONE
It’s good. But it’s redundant. Now consider this “dragonfly”—a butterfly with a LONG tail!
1. INTRO: WHAT I'LL DO
2. FIRST TEXT 2.1 INTRO 2.2 FIRST TEXT 2.3 ELABORATION
3. TRANSITION: REWARDS AND PUNISHMENTS
4. SECOND TEXT 4.1 INTRO
4.2 SECOND TEXT 4.3 ELABORATION
5. CONCLUSION: WHAT I’VE DONE
5.1 THE RELATIONSHIP OF REWARDS/PUNISHMENT TO EVALUATION 5.2 THE RELATIONSHIP OF EVALUATION TO 'GOODNESS"
5.3 THE RELATIONSHIP OF 'GOODNESS' TO 'GREATNESS' 5.4 A CRITICAL LOOK
5.4.1 IS SELF-EVALUATION MORE VALUABLE THAN OTHER-EVALUATION? WHY?
5.4.2 IS PLATO AN ANTI-SOCIAL PHILOSOPHER?
By ending with QUESTIONS rather than with ANSWERS, Hojin makes it possible to take some critical distance on Plato. But she also does something else—she makes it possible to turn a short term maper into a much longer piece of work.
Let’s do another example. Here’s Yuran, from our Brunch Class.
Below, I will discuss one of the major religions of Arabs, Islam, and the believers’ attitudes toward it. First, I intend (?) to introduce a picture that shows Muslims' religious lives. Secondly, I will explore a traditional Arabian folktale which depicts how Islam permeates their common life. In conclusion, I will consider what the religion means in Muslims’ lives by investigating the Muslims’ (??) religious duties and the folktale of their everyday life. (???)
(?) We said that the simple present tense conveys a sense of ideality, not reality. That’s why, actually, we tend to use the simple present to talk about idealizing processes like likes, dislikes, needs and wants, but
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we use the present-in-the-present to talk about realizing processes like working, playing, building and writing.
IDEALIZING (Plato) REALIZING (Aristotle)
I like apples I’m growing apples.
I dislike hip-hop I’m playing hip-hop.
I need a house. I’m building a house.
I want a book. I’m writing a book.
Sure enough, if Yuran uses simple present here, “I intend...”, it implies that this is the ideal—but “will”
implies the reality: “I will discuss...”. Which is correct here?
(??) Compare:
a) Muslims’ religious duties b) the Muslims’ religious duties
Which is GENERAL, ABSTRACT, IDEAL? Which referes to SPECIFIC, CONCRETE, REAL Muslims?
(???) Compare:
a) the folktale of their everyday life; that is, everyday life as a folktale b) the folktale about everyday life; that is, a folktale concerning everyday life
Now, as we saw with Hojin’s work, Yuran’s conclusion COULD be a little redundant.
Below, I will discuss one of the major religions of Arabs, Islam, and the believers’ attitudes toward it. First, I will introduce a picture that shows Muslims' religious lives. Secondly, I will explore a traditional Arabian folktale which depicts how Islam permeates their common life. In conclusion, I will consider what the religion means in Muslims’ lives by investigating Muslims’ religious duties and their everyday life as expressed in folktales.
As you can see, the conclusion seems to add almost nothing. Now, here are three possible solutions to this problem:
a) Yuran could simply add a “dragon’s tail”. Like this:
5. IS THE MEANING OF ISLAM SYMBOLIC OR PRACTICAL?
5.1 SYMBOL AND EVERYDAY ROUTINE IN THE FIVE PILLARS 5.2 SYMBOL AND EVERYDAY ROUTINE IN THE FAMILY
5.3 SYMBOL AND EVERYDAY ROUTINE IN COOKING AND EATING 5.4 SYMBOL IN EVERYDAY LIFE AND EVERYDAY LIFE IN SYMBOLS b) Yuran could take her intro and rewrite it as a conclusion. That is, from this...
Below, I will discuss one of the major religions of Arabs, Islam, and the believers’ attitudes toward it. First, I will introduce a picture that shows Muslims' religious lives. Secondly, I will explore a traditional Arabian folktale which depicts how Islam permeates their common life. In conclusion, I will consider what the religion means in Muslims’ lives by investigating Muslims’ religious duties and their everyday life as expressed in folktales.
...to this:
Above, I have discussed one of the major religion of Arabs, Islam, and the believers’ attitudes toward it.
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But what about the intro? Well, Yuran could add a NEW introduction—based on QUESTIONS to which this conclusion gives the answers:
a) What is the major religion of the Arabs?
b) What are the believers’ attitudes towards it?
c) How do believers symbolically demonstrate their religious faith?
d) How does Islam permeate everyday life?
e) What does religion mean in the lives of Muslims?
Now, Yuran COULD simply write a paragraph made up of questions like this. Alternatively, she could ORGANIZE the questions into two types, like this:
“There are more than 1.6 Muslims in the world. All Muslims pray in Arabic, but only twenty percent speak Arabic as an everyday language. So what exactly is Islam—is it a system of ideal, unchanging, abstract beliefs realized by universal symbols, or is it a set of real, everyday, concrete practices realized in the lives and in the speech of ordinary people?”
c) Of course, Yuran could also do all of these things. Like this:
1 INTRO: ISLAM IS IMPORTANT. BUT WHAT IS ISLAM? SYMBOLISM OR FOLKTALE?
2. ISLAM IS SYMBOLIC: THE KAABA AND THE HAJ 2.1. INTRO OF THE PICTURE
2.2 THE PICTURE
2.3 ELABORATION OF THE PICTURE
3. TRANSITION: IS THE MEANING OF ISLAM 'ONCE IN A LIFETIME" OR IS IT 'EVERYDAY'?
4. EVERYDAY ISLAM: INSHALLAH 4.1 INTRO OF THE STORY 4.2 THE STORY
4.2 ELABORATION OF THE STORY And then we add the dragon’s tail, like this:
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5. IS THE MEANING OF ISLAM SYMBOLIC OR PRACTICAL?
5.1 SYMBOL AND EVERYDAY ROUTINE IN THE FIVE PILLARS 5.2 SYMBOL AND EVERYDAY ROUTINE IN THE FAMILY
5.3 SYMBOL AND EVERYDAY ROUTINE IN COOKING AND EATING 5.4 SYMBOL IN EVERYDAY LIFE AND EVERYDAY LIFE IN SYMBOLS
Now, you might complain that we are ending with questions and not with answers—what exactly IS the role of the religious symbol in everyday life? How is everyday life reflected in religious symbolism? Which is the head of religion...and which is religion’s heart?
But this isn’t such a bad thing! You know that today is our journey’s end. But you also know that the journey of saying what you have to say never really ends until you die (and even then somebody else may come along, read your writing, and criticize it, correct it, or continue it in some way).
Our long term goal was never just getting the paper—or the course—over and done with. Our long term goal was always to figure out how to use what we’ve done to write long, long, long papers—not just term papers, but senior theses, MA theses, Ph.D. theses, and even whole books.
3. Outlining a Longer Paper
Let’s consider some ways in which we might do this.
a) Research then Hypothesis: InTeCo, or, Intro-Text-Comment
b) Hypothesis then Research: IMRAD, or Intro-Method-Results-And-Discussion c) The Research and Hypothesis Cycle: ProSoPro, or Problem-Solution-Problem
In each case, I want to give the basic structure, and then an example from our class.
3.1 Research then Hypothesis: Intro-Text-Comment
When I first began to design our class last summer, all I knew about you was that you would be some kind of double majors. So this was the basic “brick” that I wanted to use: the “sandwich”, made up of an introduction, a text from your second major, and then some kind of comment: an elaboration (“that is to say”), an extension (“and another thing!”), or an enhancement (“meanwhile”, “elsewhere”, “therefore”,
“in order to”, “otherwise”, “nevertheless”).
But how do you get from ten pages, which is what you are all writing now, to a hundred pages, or three or four hundred pages, or a thousand pages? It’s actually a lot easier than you think, for two reasons.
The first reason is that it’s actually only in the first ten pages that you need to Set the Scene, Create the Characters, and Pose Problems (and that was why I didn’t want anyone to change their topic, even though Hojin really hates both Plato and Aristotle and only loves dogs). Creating the background is always tough—the background is by definition a lot bigger than the foreground, and you have to choose how much detail to put in, and you know nobody is going to pay much attention to it.
The second reason why it’s easier to continue than you think is that the underlying structure of this kind of writing is basically: Research (SS, CC, PP + Text) and then Hypothesis (Interpretation). But an
interpretation is not really an answer—it’s a question: “I think this is what the text means. But am I sure?”
The fact that you are ending with a question and not an answer makes it very easy to go on and on and on.
8 Let’s look at an example. Here’s Eunbi, from our Breakfast Class. She didn’t come to class last week, so she doesn’t know much about using reported speech (“Luther and Blickle feel that.../say that.../propose....”).
This means that although her writing is very well structured, it has a padded feel, like one of those unfashionable jackets from the 1970s.
In the following paper, I will investigate the current
phenomenon of immigration in Germany and how the world’s most major football team socially contributes to such
situation (?). First, I will reveal some dark sides (??) that Germany is going through in housing the huge number of refugees. Secondly, I will show how the FC Bayern Munich, whose home stadium is located in Munich (???), helps refugees to adapt there. Through this recent flow of migrants in Germany, we can see how the social responsibility of a major sport business takes effect. In conclusion, I will argue how critical the social roles that teams of Bundesliga (German football league) play are. (????)
Let’s not get too bogged down in trifles. But let’s not ignore anything that’s perfectible in this last week!
(?) “Situation” is a “~tion” word. But the other root is “site”, and sites are countable. Are situations?
(??) Of course, Eunbi’s right. We do “reveal” sides. But do we “go through them”?
(???) Redundant? It makes it sound like FC Bayern will be helping refugees adapt to the stadium!
(????) Compare:
a) I will find out how critical the social roles they play are or are not.
b) I will argue that the social roles they play are critical and they are not trivial!
On June 30th, on the German news site, Zeit.de, Frida Thurm, Carsten Luther and Paul Blickle reported on (PREPOSITION?) an overview of the development of Germany’s immigration to study its seriousness using the (ARTICLE?) relevant figures.
„2015 werden so viele Flüchtlinge in Deutschland erwartet wie nie zuvor – das hat eine neue
Einwanderungsdebatte in Gang gesetzt. Die Entwicklung im Ü berblick. Von Frida Thurm, Carsten Luther und Paul Blickle. Der aktuelle Stand: Die Zahl der Flüchtlinge steigt: 2015 werden nach einer offiziellen Prognose 800.000 Asylbewerber in Deutschland erwartet. Es gibt Schätzungen, die bei 1,2 bis 1.5 Millionen liegen. Die Kommunen haben Probleme mit der Unterbringung der Flüchtlinge. An der Grenze zu Ö sterreich führt Deutschland temporär wieder Kontrollen ein. Immer wieder gibt es Angriffe auf Asylbewerberheime: 2014 etwa 230 Angriffe (Brandanschläge, Steinwürfe, Schmierereien). Im ersten Halbjahr 2015 sind es bereits mehr als im ganzen Jahr 2014. Gleichzeitig helfen viele Freiwillige bei der Versorgung der Flüchtlinge, Bürgerinitiativen gegen rechts bilden sich. Die Politik diskutiert mehrere Fragen: Um die vielen Asylanträge schneller abzuarbeiten, sollen mehr Balkanländer zu sicheren Herkunftsländern erklärt werden. Diese Anträge könnten dann schneller abgelehnt werden. Außerdem streiten die Kommunen um die Verteilung der Flüchtlinge, die derzeit nach dem Königssteiner Schlüssel erfolgt. Zudem wird die SPD-Forderung nach einem Einwanderungsgesetz inzwischen auch von der CDU unterstützt. Es soll die Möglichkeiten der legalen Einwanderung nach Deutschland für alle diejenigen regeln, die nicht unter das Asylgesetz fallen.“ (“Now, in 2015, there are as more (?) refugees in Germany than anybody had expected. The (?) immigration has started to become a new debate theme. The
overview for its development. From Frida Thurm, Carsten Luther and Paul Blickle. The current status: The
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number of refugees is increasing: according to an official forecast, 800,000 exiles in Germany are expected in 2015. There are estimates that take (?) about 1.2 to 1.5 Million. The municipalities have problems with the accommodation of refugees. Germany conserves them temporarily on the border with Austria. However there are more and more attacks on refugees’ shelters: (PREPOSITION?) 2014 about 230 attacks (arson, stone throwing, graffiti). In the first half 2015, there are already more attacks than in the whole year 2014. At the same time, a lot of volunteers, citizens' initiatives against rightists (?), assist in providing supplies for the refugees. The government has discussed several questions: to work through many refugees’ applications more quickly, more Balkan countries should be declared as safe nations.
These proposals could then be rejected faster. (!) Furthermore communities struggle for the distribution of refugees that recently takes place after Königstein (the name of German city). (!!) In addition, the SPD (Social Democratic Party of Germany) demands a new immigration law and CDU (Christian Democratic Union) also supports it. It is intended to govern the possibilities of legal immigration to Germany for all those who are not covered by the Asylum Act.”)
Her quotation is very long, and there are many questions to answer here. Who is Frida Thurm? Where do Carsten Luther and Paul Blickle start speaking. Are the volunteers the same as the initiatives? Who are these mysterious “rightists”? How will rejecting applications for asylum more quickly help the refugees?
What is Königstein, and who tells us that it is “the name of a German city”?
Instead of helping with these questions, Eunbi just repeats what the translation said at an abstract and general level. Very Platonic...but not very helpful!
Germany, as one of European countries, is also (?) having trouble from the influx of refugees. For example, they are suffering from housing problems, violations and the provision of work. In Germany, not only political parties but citizens’ alliances are putting their heads together.
Even though Germany announced an open-door policy for refugees, it also has been worried about how to handle the great sudden influx of them. As the figures show, troubles do not seem to be over just with governmental aid.
While politicians and civic unions are discussing solutions, a German football team of major league has pitched in. The FC Bayern Munich concerns itself with love for the refugees.
There’s also not much of a transition. Have a look:
In the next text, on September 3rd, the FC (Football Club) Bayern Munich as well announced officially its plans to help the growing number of refugees in Germany.
“Deutschland erlebt gerade die größte Zuwanderung von Flüchtlingen seit vielen Jahrzehnten. Das ist eine besondere Herausforderung für Staat und Gesellschaft, eine Herausforderung für alle Menschen.
Auch der FC Bayern München wird sich engagieren und in enger Partnerschaft mit der Stadt München und dem Land Bayern finanzielle, materielle und praktische Hilfe leisten.” (“Germany has been
experiencing a great influx of refugees for several decades. This is a serious challenge for the nation and society, a serious challenge for all people. The FC Bayern Munich as well will get involved in it and lend financial, material and practical aid in close-partnership with the city of Munich and the state of Bavaria.”)
Germany's biggest football team, the FC Bayern Munich concerns itself about the nation's big challenge:
the huge number of refugees. The FC Bayern is designing several programs and donations for them. For example, it'll have a training camp and a Christmas fundraiser for evacuee children.
It’s shorter, but it still feels padded and redundant: like a simple translation and then a repetitition of the translation. What can she do?
Simple:
10 Bayern Munich thinks/feels/opines THAT...
So, they have announced THAT....
As a result, they propose THAT....”
But that was all something we did LAST week, Eunbi! What about NEXT week?
In the preceding texts, I have presented the FC Bayern Munich's reaction to one big social problem in Germany today. Its team CEO, Karl-Heinz Rummenigge, said in a statement, “the FC Bayern sees it as its social responsibility to help those fleeing and suffering children, women and men, to support them and accompany them in Germany.” This can certainly be a representative case showing the social role of Germany’s football team. Like this, most football teams in Germany try to promote people’s lives. Not only for such this serious issue, but also for general public needs.
We can see that this is only the SECOND trid-term. It’s a butterfly and not a dragonfly. But we can ALSO see that it would be very easy to go on. All we really have to do is to end with a question, like this:
In the preceding texts, I have presented the FC Bayern Munich's reaction to one big social problem in Germany today. Its team CEO, Karl-Heinz Rummenigge, said in a statement, “the FC Bayern sees it as its social responsibility to help those fleeing and suffering children, women and men, to support them and accompany them in Germany.”
This is AN EXEMPLARY CASE. IT IS, HOWEVER, NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENTATIVE. HAVE OTHER FOOTBALL TEAMS, AND OTHER AREAS ON GERMAN CIVIL SOCIETY FOLLOWED SUIT, TAKING UP THE CHALLENGE OF REFUGEES IN THIS WAY? EVEN IF THEY HAVE, WILL IT BE ENOUGH FOR CIVIL SOCIETY TO DO THIS, OR IS BROADER ACTION REQUIRED?
How would this continue? Simple—we introduce another text, either from another football team, or from some other area of German civil society (actually Minjeong has some very interesting data on this). And we continue in exactly the same way: Intro-Text-Comment.
As we said earlier, the InTeCo structure is FRACTAL—that is, like a fern leaf, or a tree, or a cloud, the parts of it have the same structure, and the structure of the whole is quite analogous to the structure of the parts. That is what makes it possible to turn ten pages into a hundred and a hundred pages into a thousand.
3.2 Hypothesis then Research: IMRAD, or Intro-Method-Results-And-Discussion
We saw that the underlying structure of InTeCo is Research—and then Hypothesis. This is quite a reasonable structure for papers that are written in the humanities (YEY, Hi-eung in the Breakfast Class, and Jiyeong, Jihyeok in the Brunch). But if you are working in the social sciences—or the hard sciences—
you will expected to start with some kind of hypothesis (e.g. “subsidies have/have no effect on birthrates”, or “China is/is not abandoning North Korea”, or “interest rates are/are not an effective way of controlling the economy”). You then do research to try to prove or disprove that hypothesis.
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This is actually the most common type of scholarly article today—it’s the kind that I have to write.
Hermann Ebbinghaus invented it over a hundred years ago, and it is still called IMRAD, or Intro-Method- Results-And-Discussion, even though most of the article is now taken up with “Literature Survey” (usually right after the Introduction!).
Here’s a good example, from our Brunch class.
Some Pictures and Data about the Transition in China’s Attitude towards Korean Peninsula “No Permanent Friends or Foes”
– Lord Palmerston.
In this essay, I will go through some photographic evidence and data from relationships between China and North and South Korea. First, I will look through some pictures reflecting changes in Chinese
attitudes towards the Korean Peninsula. Secondly, I will investigate a table which includes the big picture of importations in China. Next, I will confirm the economic relationship between China and North Korea.
Then, I will look into the cosmetic market in China. In conclusion, I will show the flexible Chinese attitudes, which are not favoring just only one nation in the Korean Peninsula.
The Kyunghyang Shinmun and Yonhap News used these photos, which were taken in China in 2015 and 1954, and in North Korea in 2015, to show people the changing relationships among Northeast Asian countries.
("Park in the position where Kim Ilsung stood 61 years ago
Park Geun-hye (first picture, second from the left) attended the 'Chinese Military Parade, commemorating World War 2 Victory over Japan' in Beijing yesterday. She celebrated the ceremony with Xi Jinping (first picture, first from the right) and Putin (first picture, second from the right) at the top of the Tiananmen fortress. Kim Ilsung (second picture, second from the right) celebrated a military parade with Mao Zedong (second picture, first from the right) in the same place in Oct. 1st, 1954.")
You can see that there is bit too much quoting here. Some of it’s redundant. Look!
In the past, South Korea did not cooperate with China; in other words, they were hostile to each other.
This happened because in the past, international situations were dividing (TENSE? – Re: Sorry, which one?) Northeast Asia into two fields: communism and capitalism. Therefore, at that time, China was friendly to North Korea, as they were in the same the communist camp. North Korea's premier was Kim Ilsung, who is standing right next to Mao Zedong in the second picture. Mao Zedong was the chairman of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of China, which is the major authority in China.
However, the situation has changed a little in 60 years. Now, the president of China is Xi Jinping. In contrast to Mao Zedong, who didn’t invite South Korea in his time, Xi Jinping invited Park Geun-hye, the president of South Korea. Park Geun-hye is standing near to Xi Jinping, and unlike the previous picture, we cannot see any North Korean representative near him. This could mean that China is concentrating on their own interests, disregarding the “camp” which they are included in.
When the Cold War was acting as a major paradigm in the world, international relationships were simple.
Only the party-to-party relationships were operating the whole situation with ideology. However, after the Cold War ended, international relationship became complicated. Nowadays, party-to-party relationships are getting weaker, whereas state-to-state relationships and economy-to-economy relations are
becoming a new operator of the international connections.
Are China and North Korea getting apart from each other? China celebrated the 70th anniversary of China’s victory in World War 2. The Chinese government did invite South Korea to their anniversary and didn’t regard North Korea importantly in their anniversary, which could mean, as state-to-state, Chinese government is becoming somewhat estranged to North Korea.
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However, from the next photo, we can infer the fact that China won’t disregard North Korea in party-to- party relations after all. North Korea held the 70th anniversary of Workers’ Party in Korea, and in contrast to their previous behavior, the Chinese government sent their authority to North Korea during North Korea’s celebration.
The Yonhap News used a photo, which was taken in Pyongyang in October 11th, 2015, to tell people that China and North Korea still has a good relationship.
We can see that Taedong’s procedure here is essentially “hypothesis-evidence-conclusion”. He
hypothesizes that in the post-Cold War world state-to-state and economy-to-economy relations are more important than party to party relations.
He then produces some evidence which appears to CONTRADICT the hypothesis. But does it? That’s what we’re going to find out.
(“China and North Korea, Holding their Hands together. Kim Jung-eun and Liu Yunshan are grabbing their hands posing to people. A huge military parade display was shown in Pyongyang, marking the 70th anniversary of the ruling Workers’ Party”)
The Workers’ Party in Korea has held the 70th anniversary of their foundation. Since 1945, this party has been practically the only party in North Korea. In the Supreme People’s Assembly, which is the
parliament in North Korea, the Workers’ Party takes 601 seats out of 687 seats; in other words, they are the most powerful group in North Korea. The head of this authority stands Kim Jong-un as a First Secretary. Kim Jong-un invited China to their 70th anniversary and China sent Liu Yunshan to North Korea.
Liu Yunshan is a member of the 18th Politburo Standing Committee of the Communist Party of China. He is also the First-ranked Secretary of the Central Secretariat of the Communist Party of China. Lots of media are regarding him as the 5th ranked authority in China. Therefore, it seems that China and North Korea are not breaking their relationship with each other.
So far, it looks like our hypothesis is wrong: state-to-state and party-to-party relations look pretty much the same. But we haven’t looked at all the evidence yet.
As China and North Korea are maintaining their cooperation, there must be other things Affecting China’s altering attitude towards South Korea. Unlike the photographic evidence above which shows the surface of relationships, the table below tells us the inner side of relation. In the following data, we can see Korea and China closely influencing each other as economic partners.
Korea International Trade Association (KITA) released this table to the press to show proportions of each countries in China’s importation market from 2010 to 2015.
Japan was taking 12% of China’s market, which was the greatest amount in 2010. After them, South Korea Taiwan, USA, Germany came in that order. However, Japan’s proportion was rapidly decreasing, while South Korea’s amount was maintaining similar rates until 2013. In 2013, Japan made up 8.2%
whereas South Korea took 9.2% and grabbed the first position. After that, South Korea has increased their proportion to 11% in February, 2015; in other words, they kept their top position till that point. There was a slight decrease in South Korea’s percentage from February to June, about 0.3%. As we can see here, South Korea became more important to China for their interest in the recent years.
Although China and South Korea are approaching to each other closely in the economic market, that doesn’t mean North Korea is decreasing their economic relationship with China. South Korea is increasing their influence in Chinese market, whereas we can figure out that North Korea is also
13 increasing their export enormously in a data below.
Korea Institute for International Economic Policy (KIEP) reported a graph to show China’s increasing trade amount with North Korea’s market.
In 1998, the Chinese trade amount towards North Korea was really small as we can see in the graph. It was less than 500 million dollars in exportation and importation. However, as China grew up their economy until 2014, the trade amount with North Korea also increased. If we look at 2014 in the graph, the figure increases up to almost 4 billion dollar.
If that is the case, what could be the key factor that makes China and South Korea more intimate in the commercial domain? The graph below is showing us that some specific elements, are strongly effecting this situation. As data above are investigating the macroscopic part of the economic among Northeast Asian countries, the inquiry coming next will confirm the cosmetic market in China, which is a microscopic part.
Yonhap News used a graph to tell people the percentage of countries holding in the importation of cosmetics in China from 2011 to 2015.
(“According to KITA(Korea International Trade Association), China’s amount of cosmetics import in the first-quarter of 2015 was about 686 million dollars and South Korea’s amount was 19.1% of it.”)
As China is increasing their economic situation dramatically, their quality of life has also improved. People has started to put their sights not only on necessities of life but also on cultural things. One of the typical examples are cosmetics. In China’s cosmetic market, France, Japan, the United States, Korea were the major importers. In 2011, France was on the top of this market, taking up 41.4% of the field; in other words, they were matchless. After them, Japan followed, occupying about 28%. Compared to those two countries, South Korea was holding just 5.3% of the market.
The situation has changed a little in 2015. France is still unrivaled, occupying 33.6%. However, unlike the situation in 2011, South Korea is growing up until almost 20%, winning the second place. Japan is dropping down to the third rank, making up 15.3%. Therefore, South Korea is becoming an important economic friend with China, and this is also related to the cultural case.
Chinese government is busy taking care of both North Korea and South Korea today. They are celebrating ceremonies with both countries. Their market is also closely connected to both countries.
Besides, cultural elements are deeply affecting the economic market with South Korea, though they were hostile to each other in the past. Therefore, China is actually balancing both relationships through political and economic factors.
Actually, South Korea was (TENSE?) also behaving similarly to China. China was also divided into two nations: China and Taiwan. During the Cold War, South Korea was interacting with Taiwan, but not exchanging anything with China. However, as the Cold War ends (TENSE?), South Korea sets up a diplomatic relationship with China in 1992, especially due to economic elements. In this process, South Korea abandoned (TENSE?) the relation with Taiwan.
This case could be a kind of a precedent to China. Relationships, formed in the age of the Cold War, are weakened these days. Chinese government (STUD) is not losing this weakened connection, but trying to grab another connection which gives them visible interests, as South Korea did.
(NO PARAGRAPH BREAK HERE?)
Flexible relationships in the international society is not just happening in China. As I said previously, South Korea had a similar experience. Also, if we look through world history, there are many cases that shows countries which were enemies becoming allies, and allies becoming enemies. Therefore, in the
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international relationships, we may agree to Lord Palmerston, who was a prime minister of the United Kingdom in the Victorian Age, as he said, “No permanent friends or foes”.
It’s an excellent—introduction! That is, it lays out all of the key variables that a hundred page paper might want to talk about: state-to-state relations (e.g. official visits), party-to-party relations (e.g. ideological commitments, including but not necessarily limited to, exchange of visits by party officials), and finally economic relations (how could these be measured?)
We could then lay out a METHOD section. It could be:
a) A SYSTEMATIC survey of newspaper over fifty years.
b) A comparison of official ties with economic ties over fifty years.
Taedong would then look at the results and discuss them, and then draw his conclusions. And then...
c) A comparison of case studies:
i. China’s relations with the Korean peninsula ii. Korea’s relations with the “Two Chinas”.
As you can see, this could easily be a book!
3.3 The Research and Hypothesis Cycle: ProSoPro, or Problem-Solution-Problem
Taedong’s method is ideal for a historical study. Taedong stands in Putin’s place, between President Park and President Xi, and looks back over seventy years of Sino-Korean relations: political, diplomatic, and economic. Taedong has a definite endpoint, namely the present, and when we want to expand Taedong’s work, we just include more data and look at it more systematically.
But suppose you are writing about an on-going problem? That’s what Rhee Seohui in the Breakfast Class is doing, and this is what he’s got...so far!
Birth Rates and Welfare : A Few Introductory Statistics About the Dropping Birth Rate in South Korea, Including a Researcher and a Welfare Officer’s Views on the Issue.
1. Introduction
2. Birth rates and welfare budgets
2.1 The declining birth rate in South Korea
2.2 The miniscule public welfare budget of South Korea
3. A welfare officer’s view: How to solve the difficulties in the public sector 4. A researcher’s view: An analytical approach on solving the issue 5. Conclusion
(Notice the ORDER of the Researcher and the Welfare Officer Views—are they the same in the title as in the outline?)
Now, you can see that Mr. Rhee DOES have a conclusion. Here it is:
In this essay that followed (?) I have elaborated on (??) the ongoing crisis of the low birth rate in South Korea. I have shown the issue in 3 parts: First, I wrote on (??) a brief summarization of the current status of the dropping birth rate using charts and explained on (??) why it is a serious issue compared to other countries. Next, I showed an excerpt from an interview between a few students (including myself) at HUFS and a welfare officer at Gwanak-gu involving on implementing childcare policies with limited resources and why the government should boost welfare budgets. Finally, I have presented (???) an abstract on why social childcare and immigration policies matter and how they can solve the plummeting birth rate.
15 (?) That followed what?
(??)Notice the overuse of “on”. “Elaborate”, “write”, and “explain” are all transitive verbs: We elaborate a thesis, write a thesis, and explain a thesis.
(???) Which tense should we use? “I have elaborated” or “I wrote”?
It’s an interesting question. As Mr. Rhee seems to instinctively feel—both are perfectly possible. But here’s how Mr. Rhee continues:
The essay proves (?) that a holistic, but analytical approach to the low birth rate, including social welfare, is needed rather than simply blaming the women for not having children. A change in social welfare, both in terms of quality and quantity is needed. (??) To prevent economic recession (STUD) due to the decline of workforce (STUD), a nation-wise (???) social approach must be materialized, whether in terms of welfare programs or immigration or welfare budgets. Unless the national government shows the willingness to harness (???) a progressive attitude towards welfare, the future of South Korea is very bleak, and changes must be made towards to (?????) the system of welfare in Korea.
(?) It’s very difficult to PROVE this. It’s much easier to say: “has suggested” or “proposed” or
“advocated” or “concluded...”.
(??) Punctuation! Modality?
(???) Compare:
a) “nation-wide” c) “harness a horse”
b) “nation-wise” d) “adopt an attitude”
I think you can see that by WEAKENING this conclusion somewhat, we STRENGTHEN the writing—
because we make it less like political writing and more like scientific writing. But there’s something else—
by WEAKENING the conclusion—by making it hypothetical—we recognize that there may also be problems with the solution, and of course that is exactly why policy papers like this are usually not ten pages, but hundreds and even thousands of pages long. Some problems never end.
Unfortunately, classes do. We’ve seen that in one way or another ALL of our students are essentially working on the same question: Plato or Aristotle? Is the world that lasts a world of abstract ideals, or is it a world of concrete everyday experiences? And as you can see, this is a problem that reflects itself on every level of language—at the level of generating content for your essay, and also at the level of realizing that content as paragraphs, clauses, nouns, verbs, and prepositions.
Why? Perhaps the reason is this...the world we live in is one world, and not two. It includes both abstract ideals and concrete material practices. The latter are the stuff of everyday experiences. But the former are not just the stuff of dreams...they are also the stuff of potential everyday experiences.
4. One Last Time: The Five Word Rule
It’s not easy to fail this class. There are, however, two ways to fail, should you be so inclined. The first is, as we’ve seen, to miss more than four pieces of homework. The last, however, is to break the five word rule in any way, shape or form. The five word rule is real. It’s serious. It’s the law.
To appreciate (WHAT?) IN more detail, I will discuss the artist 'Jaleh Etemad'. Jaleh Etemad was born in Azerbaijan, Iran so her name is farsi name. She was educated in England and moved to the United States in 1970 with her husband, Dr. Galen Etemad, leaving behind a career in cancer research to raise a family. In 1986, Ms. Etemad received a Fine Arts Degree from California State University, Northridge in Los Angeles. Since 1993, her work has been widely exhibited in California, Hawaii, New Mexico, Arkansas and Florida. She has received several awards for her art and has exhibited internationally in
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Paris, France, Stockholm, Sweden, Oslo, Norway, Rome, Italy, and in an Internet online show in Beijing, China. (FIVE WORD RULE!)
http://www.studiorenot.us/Jaleh-Etemad-E.html
It describes some reasons why the clash happened; for example, desires for democracy, economic growth and a rise in wages. It was because of dissatisfaction with the rule of local governments,
particularly by youth and unions, though some have speculated that wide gaps in income levels may have had a hand as well (The CenSEI Report, 2012). And this paragraph talks about the Egypt Revolution. (??)
http://apekmulay.com/arab-spring-in-middle-east-and-its-impact-on-us-semiconductor-industry/
"The Arab Spring is widely believed to have been instigated by dissatisfaction with the rule of local governments, though some have speculated that wide gaps in income levels may have had a hand as well. "
You don’t WANT to break the five word rule anyway. You want a beautiful REFERENCE list, like Taedong’s. Just look! (and notice that it’s not QUITE in the right order!)
5. References
- Lee Yong-uk (2015, September 4), "With a grave countenance... Next to Xi Jinping... 'Facial·Position diplomacy' observed", Seoul: Kyunghyang Shinmun, p.3.
- Lee Sewon (2015, October 11), “China and North Korea, Holding their Hands together”, Seoul: Yonhap News.
- Choi Yongmin (2015, August 31), “News Release of KITA”, Beijing: Korea International Trade Association.
- Lim Sooho (2015, September 2), “New Normal Age in China : The Constitutional Change in China-North Korea’s Cooperation”, Sejong: Korea Institute for International Economic Policy.
- Chang Yejin (2015, May 18), “Present Condition of Cosmetics Import in China”, Seoul: Yonhap News.
gewalt und macht 1998
